


atlas

by captainfile



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Peter Pan & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Atlas: Space (Deluxe) (Album), F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Nerdiness, Neverland (Once Upon a Time), Songfic, vague references to capitalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 00:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16943760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainfile/pseuds/captainfile
Summary: what effect could a marble, cracked and filled with molten rock, have on a god with the world at his fingertips? oh, none, but knocking the world from his shoulders and the wind from his chest.(read while listening to Atlas: Space (Deluxe) by Sleeping at Last, which inspired this work and each chapter name)





	1. sun

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oejLt58oJnA

Amber is lost.

Amber is so, so screwed.

Amber can't tell left from right anymore.

Amber might die tonight.

"you need help, girl?"

"i believe so," she starts to tell the nice old man who smiles from his alley, but it's dark out and she suddenly feels like she needs to leave. he stands and doesn't seem so nice anymore.

"why don't you come here, I'll get you cleaned up real nice, curl your hair and everything."

"I like my hair," she mutters to herself, then, "I believe I'll be quite alright, actually."

the old man jumps at Amber. Amber jumps into the street and sprints.

"help!" she shrieks, within mere inches of those wretched hands. she feels pulled back into her drunken stupor from before and squeezes her eyes shut if only to not see whatever the man is doing, be it killing her or worse. except that she doesn't feel anything.

Amber opens her eyes.

she regrets it instantly, bile rising in her throat and spilling over. "hold on tight," some voice behind her whispers, and she does, feeling like the situation she's in is no better than the one she was in moments ago. but falling twenty stories back down to the ground isn't an option, so Amber grips what feels like an arm around her waist and watches the city sail by beneath her.

Amber is flying.

life flashes before her eyes; loving parents, sneering classmates, broken plates, curtains, policemen. just approaching adulthood, partying with the bullies, toasting to the unfairness of the world and the common unwillingness to face it. some plan on a lifetime of paying for their young decisions, but Amber buries her nose in Stephen Hawking and Neil deGrasse Tyson and Carl Sagan and her own imagination, hoping against her own logic that there's a universe somewhere that she doesn't have to try her whole life to get her family into a real house with a trim yard and fresh paint, only to fail time and time again, and yet go through the motions because she's not allowed to escape or give up. she's no coward; she's smart. her multiverse theory isn't doing anything but scare her parents, but she holds some respect for the possibility of a different life.

the sun rises over a forested island. there's no buildings in sight, nor any other islands around. whatever carried her away disappears as Amber's toes brush the cool sand of the beach, and so she's left to fall over and cough out more bile and try to wipe salt and acid from her lips.

"hardly the most graceful, but certainly the most strange looking," says a voice that sounds much realer than the one from last night. Amber turns her head sharply to identify the source.  
a couple of young kids, a boy and a girl much smaller than Amber, observe her from the tree line. "where am I?" Amber croaks. salt runs down her throat, and sick up. the boy approaches and bends at the knee, letting Amber see his tan round face and dark almond eyes more clearly.

"home," he says. "i'm your new brother, my name's Nibs. that's Tootles." he nods to the girl.

"no, I've lived in the city my whole life."

"and now you live here. trust us, it's a lot better," Nibs replies. Tootles doesn't say anything.

"where is here?" Amber asks again, pushing her windswept locks out of her face to look out at the ocean and then into the forest. the kids just smile.

maybe this is what Amber's been looking for ever since she read The Grand Design in seventh grade. maybe this is Amber's free ride into the void with barely a scratch to pay for it. maybe this is her, in shock, making sense of death by a man in an alley and recreational poison in her empty stomach. or maybe this is magic in its oddest form. Nibs pulls her up by her sand-burned elbow and gestures for her to follow him and Tootles into the forest.

Amber figures that the only way to find the truth is to search for it.

Amber follows two kids with mysterious names into a forest with no obvious escape.

the day is bright as the sun rises over to forest, and Amber finds that Nibs and Tootles seem to think that their hike takes no time at all when in fact, it takes them all morning. Amber has never walked so far- she normally sticks to her few familiar blocks, if she perchance leaves her house to party, or some such nonsense.

they finally stop when Amber's stomach has been rumbling for at least an hour, probably warning her against ever pulling the same stunt as yesterday again. each time it growls louder, Tootles smirks at her, but neither child says anything about it. Amber sways with each step and sighs when they approach a wall of leaves. Tootles knocks, and almost immediately someone- or something- howls beyond the leaves. the sound sends chills down Amber's arms, and her hands start to shake with nerves and exhaustion when the leaves are suddenly pulled back.

"welcome to Neverland, Amber," comes a low accented murmur from next to her ear. Amber doesn't move, eyes wide, until a hand settles in the center of her back and pushes against her stained baseball jersey.

Amber stumbles.

it's a campsite of sorts, one that's been around for a while, one that's self-sustaining, and Amber doesn't necessarily know what to make of it, but it's suddenly the only sign of civilization besides Nibs and Tootles in the last twelve hours and it feels right in a weird way, but not entirely. in the center is a bonfire, reduced to coals and surrounded by worn logs with no rot; on the edges of where trees have been cleared are several huts and several more tents; beyond, hidden between the green and brown of the forest, is a treehouse, and a smaller extension of the clearing where dust settles from recent footsteps and thrown spears.

"there's much more to explore, but that can wait, of course," say two identical boys, short and healthy, in unison. they're less tanned than Nibs, with more oval faces and diamond blue eyes, but Nibs is practically a giant beside them.

"you're going to love it here," exclaims a girl more sturdy than anyone else Amber sees, but no larger than an adult. she's shorter than Amber, but taller than most of the kids around. "i bet you already do."

in the girl's hands is a bowl of stew of some sort. Amber would normally find this rural and bland, but her stomach begs her to just steal it.

Amber does not steal that bowl of soup.

"you made it," says a relatively older kid, maybe a fresh teenager, with unruly dark curls twisted into dreadlocks and swollen knuckles. his teeth are white compared to his dark lips, and despite his gaunt expression, he seems the most genuine; something about symmetry or femininity, from Amber's psychology class last year.

between a hut and a tent, with the treehouse in the background, the tallest boy in the camp smirks at her and leans against a tree, tilting his head so his broken nose and the grass between his lips catch the light through his dirty blonde hair.

the children- there are no adults- watch Amber take it all in.

"you're slighter than Slightly," the girl with the soup remarks, which sends a wave of muffled laughter through the campsite. it's almost awkward, the silence filled with creature noises and soft wind and hissing coals. "what's your name?"

"we can't call her Slightly, that's taken," points out Nibs.

"Soot," suggests the dark-skinned boy. Amber immediately likes him a little bit less, but everyone else seems to like him more for it, and a chant of the word begins.

"may i present to you all, our newest Lost Boy, Soot!" calls a figure from where Amber entered the camp. she smiles immediately, hands settling, but her pulse hammers when he steps into the sunlight. "let's play."


	2. mercury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBjoiqO3rNw

the forest is bright, even at night, while the flames dance to the children's shadows against the tents and huts.

Amber is a Lost Boy.

she recognizes the name from elementary fairytales, but doesn't think about it too hard, like it'll slip away if she tries. Amber won't let this go. the dark-skinned boy's name is Rufio, and Amber ends up on friendly terms regardless of what he calls her, and Cubby shares her soup, eventually.

Slightly, the tallest- though the same height as Amber, but no one seems ready to admit it- of the Lost Boys except for their leader, eyes Amber in both a smug and hostile manner, but avoids confrontation, which Amber is fine with. always has been. Rufio is creative and kind and a much better conversationalist, anyways.

"whose treehouse is that, if everyone stays in the tents?" Amber wonders, however, to Rufio's entertainment. they seem to have the same truth-seeking mindset, though Rufio also seems a little more rude and a little more confident.

"he does," the boy shrugs, as if that's answer enough. "at least, i think so," he continues, "because i've seen him go in a few times. nobody else goes near it." Amber narrows her eyes at him. after a few long moments, Rufio laughs, "Pan, you big dummy."

"i'm not a dummy, James!" replies the voice from earlier. Pan, evidently, appears before them in the blink of an eye without any footsteps.

"not you, Pan. Soot. she wanted to know about your treehouse."

"curious like you?" Pan smiles slowly, but it isn't warm; Amber's breaths feel less useful for every moment it grows. "come on, Amber, i'll show you."

he looks at Amber, holding out a hand for her to take. his eyes are dark, barely any green on the edges of the bonfire reflecting in his pupils, cheekbones pointed by his smile and the firelight.

Amber takes his hand.

Pan pulls her up, then, and doesn't let go of her hand as they walk towards the treehouse. the forest doesn't seem dark, not with the moonlight beaming down through the treetops, but the ground beneath Amber's bare feet seems to groan as they walk up to the treehouse.

"i'll go first, and light a candle," suggests Pan, leaving out the part where there might not be a lighter in the treehouse. the bonfire was lit with the coals; Amber doesn't know how anything else could be lit, except with a piece of plastic from 7-Eleven. Pan indeed lights a candle somehow, and holds it out over the rope ladder so Amber can see her way up better.

"it looks like a regular house," Amber observes, remembering her hopeless destiny from before and quickly shaking it off.

"ah, but we have neither regularity, nor houses, in Neverland. Amber." Pan is the only Lost Boy with an accent, especially such a posh one. "i sleep here, yes, and keep secrets, yes, but i think you'll enjoy one of the rooms," he explains, opening the front door. inside, the house seems as normal as the outside. a soft bed sits below a picturesque window- the moon peaking through rustling leaves- and a few oil lamps light themselves on a dresser or on a table with chairs around it.

"regular," Amber points out, tilting her head questioningly at Pan, whose smile doesn't waver.

"through here," he opens what looks like a closet, but inside is a room of books and stars. Amber gasps, fingers itching to discover. "i keep my discoveries here. i'd let you read," Pan cocks an eyebrow, "but you can find everything out there."

"i just got here-"

"and you'll be here for a while, Amber," Pan leans in, but Amber gets the distinct feeling that he's a ghost. "and you and Rufio can unlock Neverland's secrets like i have, if you're smart enough." he laughs melodically.

Amber takes the challenge to heart and maps the stars each night. she feels like Galileo, and on most days, she feels like she'll never be Neil deGrasse Tyson. Rufio give up after a while and gets his sleep, but Amber keeps searching.

she remembers her books, but she doesn't try to remember reading them, for fear of banishment or the nightmares that plagued her the first few nights in Neverland. with each passing day, a timeless loop, Amber discovers Neverland and bonds herself to the land. it feels like a week before someone new comes along.

"a bird! it's flying!" shouts Cubby, Curly running behind her, waving his arms wildly.

"bird? i thought a boy was coming," Pan narrows his eyes, and pulls a parchment from his pocket. "should be a boy. go investigate."

Slightly calls over Rufio and Nibs, and they leave.

"hey Soot," Cubby approaches with a wide smile that isn't entirely genuine, nor is it false. Amber sits up happily, remembering the stew. "want to spar? you've explored, but someone's had to save you every time you go near Dreamshade or a monster."

Amber nods.

"you're a great deal more fit than i am," Amber tells the younger girl, who laughs loudly and leads them both to the sparring ring. "will you go easy on me?"

"maybe for a little bit, but it's not like Pan or a crocodile will pity you, Soot."

"you're right," Amber shrugs. it's okay- growing up in the city, she's gotten into a fair few fights, but that was mostly back in middle school.

"brilliant," hisses Pan from above them, and after glancing up at him for a moment, Amber picks up a stick and crouches. Cubby swings, Amber swings.

Amber's stick shatters.

she picks up another while Cubby steps back, and they go again. Cubby swings, Amber catches, Amber swings, Cubby lands a blow to her ribs. Amber misses Cubby's jaw, and Cubby doesn't miss Amber's shoulder.

Amber is on the ground.

"come on, Amber, you've got this. great swing, Terese," comments Pan, and Amber's head throbs but she stands again and gets ready. she catches the next few blows with splinters digging into her fingers, and then manages Cubby's knees, which makes her fall.

"maybe i shouldn't go easy on you," Cubby huffs, red-faced, "you seem fine."

Amber pales. "that's going easy?"

Amber ends up on the ground three more times and Cubby none when Slightly comes back with a sleeping girl.

"is that the bird?" Cubby demands, throwing her stick down to Amber's relief. it isn't a bird at all, but a petite blonde clad in grass-stained silk. Pan makes Slightly set her down on some cloth, then tries to wake her up.

"hello? who are you?" Pan snaps his fingers a few times, and eventually she does wake up with a deep breath. her eyes are wide and bright, as if she does not yet know that she isn't welcome.

"how magical," she beams, looking past Pan to observe the trees. Amber knows upon close inspection that they may be strange alternate universe trees, but she isn't well acquainted with her own trees, and now considers this to all be normal, so she finds it hard to understand the girl. "Neverland, right? I'm Wendy Darling."

"we thought you were a bird," Bee supplies. Pan silences him with a raised brow- Amber learned very quickly that Pan always does what's best for the Lost Boys, and more importantly, that he should never be crossed. his pupils are shrunk in the bright daylight and in anger as he looks over Wendy, but then his expression suddenly lightens, mimics a genuine smile.

"would you like to see some magic, Wendy?"


	3. venus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWlIT2NNj2w

Pan, or "call me Peter, Wendy, surely we're friends now," takes Wendy around the island, and nearly everyone is jealous. Amber wishes she could have his wise input while she spars with a sour Cubby, then wishes he was around to make gathering a game when she collects fruits with Rufio for Wendy's feast.

"he's probably just planning something, he never acts like this," Rufio assures her after snapping another leaf in half. Slightly swings down from a low branch, glare and club at the ready.

"who are you to judge our leader?"

"we aren't-" Rufio stammers. Amber narrows her eyes and looks between the two boys.

"you like rules, don't you," Amber whispers to Slightly, who doesn't respond. "there's a million books in that treehouse, and i've read all of them since i arrived here." without Pan's permission, and mostly while Pan is exploring and Amber's feet ache but her mind years for exploration. "the books, they make sense. the stars, they make sense. there's beauty in logic, and you see it, Slightly. i respect that."

they come to a truce. at Wendy's feast, when the bird takes Slightly's chair, he sits between Amber and Rufio and eats fifteen grapes before Rufio can eat five.

"Monty!" Pan calls when the sun rises, after a night of enchanting music. "tell everyone to meet me and Wendy by the lake!"

Monty does, and Amber wonders if this is the part where Rufio is right. Slightly doesn't give anything away with his facial expressions, other than hostility, as per usual. but Amber wonders. 

Amber has been to the lake before.

it's small, more like a pond, with willow trees hanging over and dipping into the water. sunlight doesn't reach the lake, so it's clear of algae but muddy from little feet. Slightly and Amber are too tall compared to the other Lost Boys, and at the deepest point, water laps at their waists. Pan is barely taller than them and yet seems to blend with the water like he dissolves in it.

"if I go in the water, my nightgown will be ruined," Wendy scolds Pan, who for a moment tilts his head, and then stands up straight so the water is level with his knees. Slightly crouches, watching the exchange carefully.

Amber doesn't understand Pan.

"Tootles, do you wear dresses?" he asks, not looking away from the bird. "maybe you can lend Wendy one so she can swim."

Tootles snorts. Pan turns sharply, pupils shrunken once again. Slightly doesn't even blink. Amber gasps, but elects not to cross Pan if she can help it. well, in this instance, at least.

"silly boy, I can't swim in a dress. i need a swimsuit," Wendy smiles warmly.

Amber is so confused.

"draw it, and maybe i can think it up."

"why can't I?" Wendy asks, and Slightly suddenly smirks, shoulders relaxing, eyes brightening. Amber has never seen him so excited.

"because you're not a Lost Boy, of course."

so Rufio was right. he brags for the rest of the day, while Wendy cries in her cage. but when Amber challenges him to spar, she wins a few times to bring down his ego, except that he's lived on Neverland for longer than Amber has, and wins most times. if time were such a concept in Neverland. it isn't according to Pan's books, which she stays away from while he gloats about having tricked Wendy so easily.

the festivities end late in the night because the Lost Boys are not ordered around by adults and go to sleep when they please. Amber, despite the big day for her finding her place with the Lost Boys, takes a walk to see the stars.

tonight, Neverland is darker than usual. Amber understands moon phases, but the canopy seems to be shielding Amber from the pale beams of light that usually ease her to sleep.

Amber walks away from the bird's sniffling and goes instead to the beach where she first arrived and watches the ocean from the forest. it's peaceful tonight, reflecting the stars nearly perfectly in a way Amber has never seen- she lived in a city with a blue night sky forever before coming to Neverland, and even with her own adaptation, she doesn't know the sky as well as the ground. stars blink between waves and twinkle when Amber looks up at them, and it all becomes a bit overwhelming when she steps out and dips her bare toes into the damp sand that gave her a name here.

"just one more!" Emily and Rachel and Jacob say, over and over again, and teach her to hate herself. "you're my favorite, Amber, you're so funny!" they sneer.

Amber sits.

Amber curls her fingers in the sand.

"forget that life."

Pan walks from the forest to Amber, footfalls rusting stray leaves and twigs in a way that suggests he wants Amber to know exactly where he is. and she does.

"do you ever send someone back?"

"I'll send Wendy back," Pan answers. he doesn't sit, but stands next to Amber so his foot rests in a dip she absently dig with her palm. "but that's because she isn't a Lost Boy. I mean, she's practically an adult," he laughs quietly. cruelly.

Amber scans the sky for blue.

"I don't want to go back, but I do, in my nightmares."

"Neverland is a place of dreams," Pan breathes, then turns to look at Amber with a face she can't see, even in the dull moonlight. "you can live this dream, or you can fall into nightmares. the nightmares are easier, Amber, as you're a slave in them. you grow up, you do what you're supposed to do."

"drink the kool-aid."

"no one leaves or stays against my will. no one arrives without my knowledge." Pan looks back out at the waves. "if you don't want to grow up, you'll have to be brave and live in this dream."

Amber considers this.

it's easier to talk to Pan when his eyes don't drill cracks in her soul. she find his words useful, and inspiring, but the source messes with her. she settles on, "wise of you."

"i may be a boy, but i have lived a very long time, Amber."

boy. Amber frowns and stands, eyes level with Pan's cheekbones, easier to see when she's closer. she thinks of what Wendy said earlier.

"you're hardly a boy, Pan."

Pan smiles, teeth catching the light and holding it like a cat would a mouse. "what am i, then?"

Amber thinks.

Amber suddenly feels like the moonlight.

"something- something else."


	4. earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEDECXDtPA8

Slightly takes Amber hunting an unknown time after Wendy leaves. he says that Amber seems like the sort to be good with traps, but she mostly just manages to know where to put the traps, and less how to put them together. they catch a hog and carry it on a spear back to the camp, where Cubby shrieks in delight, and Bee shrieks in fear at the blood trail they leave.

"untie the spearhead," Slightly mutters after they set the hog over the coals. Amber grins in pride and wins a couple matches against Cubby.

Amber feels Neverland breathe.

Amber finds the rhythm.

"you read my books," Pan knows, because Peter Pan never fails; a mantra for the Lost Boys, to assure their safety. "about the realms."

"alternate universes, like where i was born, or here," Amber nods, but pales at this revelation. is she brave enough to stay, having gone behind his back?

"will you apologize?"

"Lost Boys never apologize," Amber quotes Pan himself, who smiles slowly like the first time they spoke.

"good," he says, but it doesn't sound like praise- it sounds like a loss of trust. "Rufio is missing, so i need you and Slightly to check the Jolly Roger and see if he's alive or not."

Pan doesn't sound like he cares either way- Pan sounds like he's sending Slightly to make sure Captain Hook kills Amber. "Pan," she gasps, and when he turns back around to raise an eyebrow, "am i brave?"

Pan's smile drops. "that's for you to know, and me to figure out," is all he answers. "now, go."

Amber finds Slightly.

Amber finds Rufio.

at least, Amber finds what's left of Rufio. Slightly picks him up, but the boy is dead, and bends easily.

Amber buries her knife in Fogerty's throat.

"run!" Slightly shouts from already deep in the Dark Jungle, but Amber's foot catches on a root as soon as she breaks the tree line, and then she's being dragged back to the Jolly Roger. "Pan!" shouts Slightly.

Pan does not appear as he usually does. instead, Captain Hook orders Amber thrown in with the rats.

"she killed Fogerty, Captain," says Smee, so Amber bares her teeth at him.

"we need to go," Hook is pale and shaking, and the ship rocks with storm waves. "he might come for her." but Pan is nowhere to be found.

Amber leaves Neverland.

Peter Pan lets her go.

"welcome to the Enchanted Forest," the Captain tells his crew when the dock. Hook tugs Amber up by the elbow and holds his namesake to her throat. "leave my side, child, and you'll die."

"to die would be an awfully great adventure," Amber snarls back, mildly surprised at her own learned hostility. spending so much time with Slightly taught her to be tougher than the city was. "i don't fear it, and i don't fear you. no adult can control me."

"aye, then," Hook snaps, and shoves her back into the windowless cabin. "watch her, Smee. and arm yourself."

Hook returns after a period of time in which Amber feels herself aging, if only barely. she doesn't sleep, nor eat or drink. Hook binds her hands so tight she can't move her fingers and pulls her again, and then into a castle.

"what are we doing, you cod fish," Amber hisses after watching him knock out several guards and continue on into the dungeons.

"i hear little girls like princesses, so i hope the opposite is true," Hook answers before opening a cell with his namesake. Amber doesn't know what to say to that, wit lost to exhaustion, dehydration, and starvation. Hook questions the adult in the cell and leaves Amber in the corner. "useless," he finally snaps, knocking the woman out and lifting his hook to bury it in her chest.

"wait just a moment," drawls a sinister looking woman in the hallway.

the Evil Queen locks Amber in a cell away from most other cells after a wrinkly old man tortures her for answers about Peter Pan. Amber, of course, would never say a word, but the longer she's away from Neverland, the more she fears Pan has forgotten her.

maybe it was all made up. maybe Pan never cared about her. as a guard swings at her with a club, she wonders if Slightly has forgotten her. when she gets food, she wonders if Pan managed to revive Rufio, or if they really were too late.

time passes without meaning, and Amber ages. not much, maybe, but too much for her. she wonders what the stars look like in this realm, this universe. she wonders what the stars look like outside of the city she was born in.

she wonders which constellation is Pan's, and how everything could break with a resounding echo everyone hides from, but only Amber pays attention to.

purple mist fills Amber's cell. maybe this is when the glass comes back together, or when the broken pieces shatter and become sand again. Amber was Soot on Neverland, but never did Pan ever call her that- always Amber, always a reminder of what he saved her from. always a reminder of her own identity, as a wise leader would.

the cloud gathers at Amber's feet, and she hears screaming outside her cell but doesn't attempt to escape, because there's no way there is one. this is magic, Amber now knows, and this is what seeps into the cracks and pushes the wound wide open.

Amber doesn't regret reading Pan's books.

Amber doesn't regret anything.

Pan does not save Amber.

Pan is not there when Amber wakes up in Storybrooke.


	5. moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW9Dq2ciXDo  
> https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/there-s-a-moon-inside-my-body/

Amber is a prisoner.

Amber doesn't remember what she did wrong.

"THE moon shines in my body, but my blind eyes cannot see it:  
The moon is within me, and so is the sun.  
The unstruck drum of Eternity is sounded within me; but my deaf ears cannot hear it.

"So long as man clamours for the I and the Mine, his works are as naught:  
When all love of the I and the Mine is dead, then the work of the Lord is done.  
For work has no other aim than the getting of knowledge:  
When that comes, then work is put away.

"The flower blooms for the fruit: when the fruit comes, the flower withers.  
The musk is in the deer, but it seeks it not within itself: it wanders in quest of grass."

Amber does not know forwards, nor backwards.

Amber lives every day the same.

Amber's jail is not just a physical one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for clarity, the poem isn't mine. it's a translated version of "There's A Moon Inside My Body" by the poet Kabir, who has a very interesting history and a great deal of talent. visit https://www.britannica.com/biography/Kabir-Indian-mystic-and-poet for the encyclopedia brittanica entry on him.


	6. mars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5SycLbnYEw

"i love you, Henry."

Amber breathes.

Amber pounds on her cell door.

"i do not fear death! i do not fear the Evil Queen! i do not fear Captain Hook!" she proclaims to no one. but the guards are used to living modern lives, and now that they know who actually broke real laws versus who the Evil Queen locked up for laughs, Amber finds herself wandering the streets of Storybrooke. she doesn't care about revenge, nor finding her birth family- they likely think she's dead, and she gave them up so long ago, she can't remember their faces. she was born less than a day's drive away from Storybrooke, but Amber doesn't dare. what Amber wants is a way to get back to Neverland, or a way to stop aging until she can get there. she's a legal adult, now, and every waking moment twists her gut with thoughts of Pan not only abandoning her, but banishing her for growing up.

"come on," a young boy spots her relaxed stroll through town and grabs her hand, pulling her towards City Hall.

"am i being abducted?" Amber wonders.

"i'm Henry, and i just figure since you live here, you probably want to know what Regina wants with the place."

Amber tears her hand from his grip with a sneer, but then sighs. "i don't fear, Henry. she can kill me, torture me, whatever. my family isn't here, nor any variation of the word."

"that's awful," Henry frowns, sitting on a nearby bench. Amber laughs and sits beside him, relieved to socialize again.

"i miss them."

"your family?"

"the Lost Boys," Amber admits. "Captain Hook gave me to Regina just before she cast that curse, or whatever it was."

"where are you from?" Henry asks, suddenly insatiable. "is Neverland like the fairytales?"

"it isn't what you'd expect- he isn't what you'd expect- but it's all worth it, even if i was abandoned in the end. i'd go back, if i still could," Amber remarks pessimistically. but she hopes beyond logic, and often hopes that Pan will receive her in her dreams.

"if Hook got you, how were you abandoned?" Henry demands, eyes narrowing. he's on the edge of his seat. Amber shakes her head, trying not to remember Slightly's yell, Hook's hands, Fogerty's blood, Rufio's limp corpse.

"i'm sure everyone wants to get back to the Enchanted Forest, but what i need is a way to get to Neverland."

Henry considers. he's a good kid, in Amber's opinion, but he doesn't hang around enough for Amber to really get to know him. she just knows who he is, through talking to him. she doesn't really know him.

"what do you fear?" she asks over hot chocolate, after the boy and his odd family visited Amber's hometown and found Henry's father.

"that's heavy, dude," says the mentioned man, sitting down with his own mug. his eyes are wrinkled, but he has a glow about him that comes with romantic involvement. Amber resists a sneer at the adult. "you okay, Henry?"

"yeah," Henry responds quickly, voice scratching, then looks thoughtfully into his drink. "I think I fear that after all the effort I put into my relationships with other people, that it'll all be for nothing."

Neal- as he introduced himself, and corrected Rumpelstiltskin every time- fills his cheeks with air and widens his eyes. "well, you're never getting rid of me, so-"

"we just met," Henry points out quietly.

"and now, you're never getting rid of me. like, ever, buddy," the man assures. Amber now resists a laugh in addition to a sneer. oh, adults- Amber can't imagine going to see her parents and hugging them, even if they weren't horrible. not compared to Cubby's dad, nor Curly's aunts, nor Slightly, sometimes. "and what's your name?"

"Amber," she reaches out a hand for him to shake. he does, hesitantly.

"her fairytale name is-"

"a secret," Amber interrupts, swiftly dropping her hand to her mug again. Neal frowns. "don't worry, I'm no evil queen."

"hey," Henry laughs. but he's the one who told Amber to be suspicious of who she tells her true identity. he tells her that his mother found Neal's fiancée with a list of the more popular folks in Storybrooke and their fairytale counterparts. Amber does not want to be involved with adults, especially ones who might be out to sabotage the town.

"well, my name's Neal, and my fairytale role is that I'm Henry's dad." the father and son look at each other, grinning and forgetting Amber for a moment.

"what do you fear, Amber?" Henry suddenly asks, in the middle of Amber imagining how proud Pan and Slightly could have been, had Amber made it back to camp.

Amber laughs.

for a moment, it reminds her of Pan himself, and the cruel smile of a boy who is yet not quite a boy. then, she answers, "nothing." it's probably a lie, but in the moment, Amber sincerely hopes beyond logic that it isn't. Henry looks confused, but Neal looks afraid-

"where were you when the curse hit?" he asks, brow furrowing in concern. he looks at her pale skin and faded sunspots and flat orange locks, and likely comes up with an identity for her. an assumption- adults love their assumptions. "DunBroch?" Amber nearly laughs again, but instead just shrugs and takes another sip of her drink instead of answering, which makes Henry laugh, because he knows that at one point she was in Neverland, and when the curse hit, she was in Regina's dungeons. "what?"

"she was a prisoner," Henry giggles. Amber glares at him- the boy can't lie.

"for what?"

"oh, come on, as if Regina would ever imprison a teenager for some sensible reason," Amber rolls her eyes at Neal, and misses Regina herself stepping up to the table.

"and every time you open your mouth, I consider putting you back," she drawls, reminding Amber of the first time they met. Amber scoffs.

"hey mom," Henry mutters to his hot chocolate.


	7. jupiter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ2XA_WxGyA

Captain Hook confronts Amber in the alley she's lived in since being released from prison. he says he needs her help, like he helped her when he got her out of Neverland, and she nearly buries his namesake right in his eye when he suggests such a blasphemous thing. he doesn't apologize- just says that the town is about to be destroyed, so whatever life Amber has built in Storybrooke is gone, and she can go with him back to the Enchanted Forest or wherever she'd like to go.

"how?" Amber wonders, trying not to seem too eager, but Hook opens his flesh hand to reveal a shining bean that will surely open a portal for the Jolly Roger to travel through. "so I help you do something, and in return, I can go home?"

"if home is in Neverland, there's no chance, I'll find someone else-"

"fine! but if you're willing to go to a Lost Boy for help, then who better is there?"

"I'll do it myself," Hook snarls, and disappears.

Amber follows him to see if he's right, and if he'd leave without anyone else surviving. a pirate's a pirate, but even Hook cared for his crew and defended them in battle. punished Amber for Fogerty's death. often instead of Hook against Pan, or Hook against the Lost Boys, it was often Hook and his crew against the Lost Boys, as Pan was the brains of the operation, and barely needed to fight, if ever. the sun shines brightly in Amber's eyes, but she manages to make out Hook boarding the Jolly Roger and sailing away as Emma Swan and the Evil Queen run up to the docks.

"he's gone," Amber sings, delighting in the frowns that wrinkle the stupid adults' faces.

"and why aren't you running off with him?" Regina yells, hand suddenly engulfed in flames.

"i don't fear you, nor death," Amber laughs, but explains, "and i'd never work with that cod fish. he has a magic bean, but I figure you all already know that."

Regina rolls her eyes. "Henry's been taken."

this gives Amber pause, but she figures there's nothing she can do, until Hook comes back and Rumpelstiltskin discovers that Neal's fiancée took Henry to Neverland. it's like a breath of fresh air- she can finally go home- but then there's too much air. she doesn't know if she's welcome there.

"help us survive, so we can save Henry," the Dark One tries from the Jolly Roger. Amber laughs.

"if Henry's a Lost Boy, then he's already been saved. if he isn't," Amber fills her cheeks with air, and shrugs. "but that's between them, not you adults."

"them," Hook scoffs, turning to run a hand over his face. Amber bares her teeth at the pirate, then turns back to the Dark One.

"how about this? help us survive there, and you can stay."

"he lives, too."

"we survive."

"and so do the Lost Boys," Amber snarls, horrified with having to debate the worth of lives. finally, Rumpelstiltskin just gestures for her to board the ship. "pleasure doing business, adults."

"so who are we up against?" Prince Charming asks- if Henry were present, he'd be squealing in delight, save the circumstances. Amber nearly whoops when the portal opens in the water beside the Jolly Roger, and nearly whoops again when all the adults grab onto something with fear in their eyes. "who are Greg and Tamara?"

"they're merely pawns, manipulated by forces far greater than they can conceive," answers Rumoelstiltskin, squinting against the sea spray. Amber pulls on a rope here and there to keep the ship stable with a prideful grin at the biased description of Pan. "they have no idea who they're truly working for."

"and who's that?" Emma shouts, just as the Jolly Roger approaches the portal. the Dark One glances over at Amber, who bites her cheek in a mixture of nerves and excitement.

"someone we all should fear," he says pointedly, then looks back at the portal while they pass through it.

this is when it all becomes worth it, though, when she can finally return and stay in her own tent, where it isn't just the island she calls home, but the essence of the land that she discovered through books and exploration the last time she was there. the essence that lives in Peter Pan, the boy-king that is neither quite human nor a merciful ruler. and yet, despite this fear that is very real, the fear she wouldn't admit to Henry- that maybe she's not a Lost Boy and is now just a lost cause- she's already bending her own logic and memories to say that the second they arrive, Pan will swoop down and carry her back to camp, where she can spar with Cubby and Rufio will be alright. where Slightly will only nod at her, and Bee will run her ears into the ground with his unstoppable storytelling.

maybe this is when she pays for not being brave enough, back then. maybe Rufio died and it's her fault, and Pan will take her around the island until she meets Wendy Darling's fate. maybe she's grown up since she was last in Neverland, and the mermaids will leap overboard onto the Jolly Roger and tear everyone to bits. Amber considers either possibility, and knows which is more likely.

"someone we all should fear" is correct, in that Amber only knows the island, but can't defend them against her former comrades, nor her leader. especially not Pan. Amber can't figure out how to meet him where he is. how to prove herself, and remain true to herself, but stay in Neverland, where she's happiest.

the Jolly Roger passes through a funnel of water, like a tornado, and there's only so much that Hook can do to keep the ship in line, but then they're flying, only for a moment. Amber falls when the ship hits Neverland's waves. they're calm, but eerily so, not the same sort of calm as when Amber and Pan counted the stars the night Wendy spent in a cage, or the other night that Amber touched the stars and tasted the sparse clouds. it isn't the calm that reflects the universe, but the calm that reflects a storm they can't yet see.

"is that it?" Emma calls from where she held onto a rope tighter than Amber did.

"aye," Hook replies, so Amber follows his gaze to the island that she can already feel.

Amber slows her heartbeat to follow it.

"Neverland," she whispers.


	8. saturn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-m7zi66ddc

by the time Amber's ears have stopped ringing from the mermaid's screams, and she can feel again, Hook has guided her into the rowboat and they're on Amber's beach.

"let me fix the Jolly Roger," Regina suggests, and when Amber looks over, the mermaid has clearly wrecked the stupid ship. Amber scoffs. "then, we can bring it around and sneak up on Pan, like Hook said."

Amber outright laughs.

"of course, Captain, you're really at the top of your game," she mocks the man, who simply scowls at her, ready to reply, when Emma interrupts.

"she's right, Pan already knows we're here. it's time we stop running," she tells the group. "and Gold was right, too, this land is run on belief- there's no way that a bunch of people at each other's throats can be believers." a beat of silence passes, and the woman fidgets. "i was as wrong as anyone else. it's time for all of us to believe- not in magic, but each other." Regina seems less passionate about working together, and snarks, but then Emma goes off on her, making Amber chuckle.

"come on, Emma, we need to do this the right way," Prince Charming argues, hands going to his hips like the self-righteous adult that he is. Emma's expression turns grave.

"no," she shakes her head. "no, we don't, that's the thing- we just need to save Henry, and the only way to do that is to be who we are! a hero, a villain, a pirate, a Lost Boy!"

"and what's your skill, Savior?" Regina asks, but quietly. Emma turns with wide eyes, jaw tensed. 

"I'm a mother."

they start walking, and Hook brings up that Amber should lead, because Pan wouldn't let his Lost Boys run amuck without knowing what could harm them. Amber smiles, just slightly, and accepts Prince Charming's sword. the land hums beneath her feet, and she knows it would sing if she took her shoes off, but she's with the adults- they'll drag her back to Storybrooke kicking and screaming if she dares be too overt about her loyalties.

Amber leads the group to a ridge instead of following her usual path from the sand that named her to the children that named her. just below the peak is a small Dreamshade bush that Prince Charming nearly walks into when he sees where the dense forest stops ahead.

"hey," Amber snaps, holding the prince's own sword between him and the plant.

"i think i can handle a few thorns," he rolls his eyes, obviously exhausted from the hike- after so long in a cursed Storybrooke's fake prison, Amber isn't as fit as she used to be, either.

"i think you can handle a few thorns too, but i wouldn't be stopping you if you'd live for more than a day after you did so," is all Amber provides as an explanation. Hook tells the group that he used a concentrated dose on the Dark One and nearly succeeded in killing him.

"i suggest we go this way," Hook adds afterwards, gesturing towards an animal trail further around the area. Prince Charming purses his lips and points to the more direct way.

"we'll go this way," he says, stepping in front of Amber and carefully stepping around the Dreamshade.

"is Pan as horrible as Gold said?" Snow White asks quietly as they approach the ridge. Amber blinks slowly, but then shrugs.

"he's not horrible, he's powerful," Amber sighs. the princess seems open, but suspicious. "yes, at least one person in this group is going to die in Neverland, if not all of you, but only because you aren't Lost Boys."

that doesn't seem to encourage the woman.

"so we should be able to see the whole island from here?"

"aye," Hook tells Charming, "Pan's camp, and pretty much everything there is to see."

"oh, hardly. we had enough trees to have a canopy, and with how we've been doing so far?" they reach the cliff. the Dark Jungle has grown so dense, they can hardly tell one tree from another. Amber quirks half a smile. "even if we could see the camp, or even just the fire, there's no way we'd be able to get to it."

"why not?" Snow demands.

"there's monsters here that none of us are equipped to face. if Rumpelstiltskin is somewhere in there, he's likely also dead," Amber tells her, then glances at Hook for support. for being the resident Neverland genius and tasked with saving their lives, they don't trust her very much. though, maybe she should have told Snow that life-saving was something she could actually do.

"we should set up camp, gather our strength, and go around it," the pirate suggests.

"you want to sleep, while my son is out there?" Regina demands, turning on a heel to fix her glare on the man, but he surprises them on with his somber expression.

"if you want to live long enough to save the boy, then yes."

when they set up in a clearing not far from the ridge, Charming offers to take first watch with Amber. for being so close to the Dark Jungle, it's quiet, save the distant cries of generations of Lost Boys that Amber isn't used to anymore. she hears her own sobbing in the mix, and flinches with each spike in volume.

"what?" Charming whispers after a while. "is Pan coming?"

"just some lore," Amber shakes her head, and swipes at her eyes to make sure she isn't crying, herself. "no creatures, so they've either been eradicated, or he's giving us false hope." not hope beyond logic, but entirely false hope.

"hope?"

"that this'll be easy, and any of us will leave Neverland alive, if at all," Amber shrugs, throat tightening when she hears a shouted demand for quiet that goes unanswered by the ghosts.

"Mary Margaret told me you said that. surely morale will keep us alive?"

"I'm your guide, you grown-up, not your leader," Amber scoffs. with each passing minute, she wishes that the group from Storybrooke didn't have the combined power to take her back. "and you can be as optimistic as you want, but-"

a twig snaps. Charming unsheathes his sword, standing suddenly to face the threat, but there's nothing there- so much for that hope, if Amber ever had it.

"I'll check it out. stay here, and yell if anything happens," Charming orders, stepping carefully between the trees. but Amber figures that the sound was only meant to mess with them, and after a while of Charming standing with decreasing suspicion, he's exhausted, and goes to sleep, telling Amber to wake someone else to join her for watch. Emma, over in her corner, tosses and turns, then awakes.

"welcome to Neverland," echoes a slight breeze from the cliff. Amber stiffens.

"wake up," Emma hisses at her parents, but they don't budge so she draws her own sword and approaches Amber with a frown. "what's coming?" she asks. Amber doesn't dare answer.


	9. uranus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTeyHHGOSsA

"cheaters never win," Amber whispers, when Pan yells it. Slightly is the first to appear, with a scar marring his normally cooled visage, cracking through his brow and across his cheek. next Nibs, and then Cubby, with all of her hair trimmed to look like a boy's, and then Curly, and then Tootles, and Amber shakes with wide eyes while Hook warns them all of the Dreamshade that could very well be their end.

Amber feels the call to arms in her bones, and freezes on the spot.

"it's been a while, Captain."

"not long enough."

"Amber."

"remember what I did to Rufio? well it's a far worse fate for you."

"Amber."

"where is Henry? where is he?"

"Amber."

Amber opens her eyes.

the Lost Boys are gone, the adults are distraught, and Charming is bleeding. Regina stands over Amber, snapping her fingers impatiently. Amber doesn't tell them about their surroundings after they leave the burial grounds, mostly because Hook begins leading them to someone he knows, but Amber herself doesn't. they come upon a treehouse after Amber diffuses the traps she remembers from hunting with Slightly. it isn't her best work, but she keeps them all alive.

"okay, so this is where they're keeping Henry in Pan's compound, according to, uh-"

"Tinker Bell," the fairy finishes for Emma. the group convinced her to help, and brought her to the clearing by the cliff.

"yeah, I know, still weird to say," Emma sighs, clearly having seen or read the skewed fairytales in her own childhood.

"Tink is fine," the fairy suggests, but Emma shakes her head.

"not sure that's any better. anyway, she," the Savior points a stick at Tinker Bell, "says that there are sentries positioned across the front, which is why we are going to come in through the back entrance here. she'll talk her way in, once she makes sure the coast is clear, then we sneak on in."

"you'll still have to deal with any Lost Boys once you're inside," the fairy nods, but seems optimistic, compared to when they were convincing her. Regina smirks.

"I think we can handle a few children with pointy sticks," she suggests. Amber makes a face and tears her shoes off, taking advantage of the adults' focus on Henry to feel Neverland through her toes.

"it's not the sticks you need to worry about, it's the poison they're dipped in."

"Dreamshade, Hook warned us," Snow mutters thoughtfully, eyeing the map Emma drew in the dust.

"good, because one nick, and you'll spend your last-"

"poison sticks equal death," Charming says too loudly, "we got it. now," he turns to the map, "when can we put this rescue mission into action?"

"I'm ready to go," Tinker Bell shrugs. Amber stands and spins Hook's knife between her thumb and forefinger. "just as soon as you tell me the exit plan."

"magic beans, if you'd fall for that," Amber informs the fairy, who nods, but then Charming shakes his head.

"it- it was more of a last minute trip? there's no more beans," Snow announces nervously, and Amber squints at her while Tink shouts at the trees and then leaves. "so who has made it off this island without Pan's permission?"

"one man," Hook murmurs, then nods to Emma. "her partner in crime, Neal. and I think we can find out how, follow me."

"Mary Margaret, stay with Amber," Charming orders as they leave. Snow nods quickly but doesn't sit, instead pacing circles around the fire.

"why did you take your shoes off?" she suddenly asks, stopping on the far side from Amber and frowning at her. Amber looks down at her dusty feet and smiles faintly, then runs her heels along the ground, feeling the push and pull of the land's breaths.

"there's more to this island than some dirt, trees, and a boy king," Amber scoffs, while the ground beneath her warms. "it has its own shadow, its own heartbeat, its own extensions that you burn to keep warm," Amber nods to the flames. "of all the universes out there, this is the most beautiful, so why would I keep boundaries?"

"maybe because Pan could kill you?" Snow scoffs, confusion and impatience coloring her round cheeks. "maybe he stole your only friend, maybe-"

"hey," Regina calls. "how can we catch a Lost Boy?"

while Amber is tasked with building a trap worthy of Slightly and catches a boy she doesn't recognize but doesn't want to show her face to, Hook and Charming leave on a wild goose chase, and then Pan tells Hook that Neal is alive. Amber didn't know Henry's father was dead in the first place, but it seems to shake the group to a considerable extent- Emma stares at a tree, Hook looks guilty, Charming is ready to leave to find him, and Regina accuses Pan of messing with them. Snow points out that someone may have walked past the camp while she and Amber were arguing, to which Amber herself laughs, but only quietly.

their search leads them to Echo Cave, where they all have to reveal secrets. Hook confesses his feelings for Emma, Snow wants a baby, Charming shuts her down, and they look between Emma and Amber for who will tell the last secret. Amber steps forward.

"I was born in New York," she states, simple, easy- "I lived there for seventeen years in poverty before I was brought here, but I'll never go back," she adds when the bridge doesn't move. it still doesn't. "my family loved me," she sighs. the bridge builds on itself, clearing a path for Emma to run across and hug Henry's father.

"didn't know that was possible, for a Lost Boy," he remarks once they've left the cave. "thank you." Amber just curls her lip at him. but, since he knows how to get off the island, they regroup at the campsite and split up to catch Pan's shadow and find Tinker Bell. the next step is to break into the camp.

"I believe this is where I leave you, folks."

"you're coming back with us," Emma insists while Tink gathers her things. Amber shakes her head with a slanted smile.

"I'd never do that willingly, Savior, and without Regina or Rumpelstiltskin, you can't drag me with you," she shrugs, but of course, that's when the mentioned villains make their entrance.

"well," Regina drawls, "if this is your version of a rescue party, then you're right on time. Pandora's Box," she presents, gesturing to the Dark One. he holds a small cube with a red gem on top. "we can trap Pan for eternity simply by opening the lid."

"there's a prophecy that says he'll die if Henry lives-"

at Neal's announcement, everyone draws their weapons. even Amber flips Hook's knife and bends her knees, ready to disable the adult. "alright, Voldemort, hand over the box," she suggests.

"as if you're so much more trustworthy, Lost Boy."

"hand it over," Neal snaps, and the Dark One obeys. "no magic, or you're going in, no matter how selfless you claim to be."

they hike, and Snow talks to Charming about what to do with the Lost Boys once they've defeated Pan. Amber glares at them as loudly as they can. Tinker Bell is suspicious, but doesn't say anything until they see the camp through the trees.

"we're here," she announces in a hiss to the rest of the group. "Pan's perimeter."

"sneak us in like we planned. grab Henry, in and out, simple," Emma orders, gesturing here and there to assign everyone jobs. "and Amber," she finally addresses the Lost Boy of the group.

"what would you have me do but run, oh Savior?" Amber wonders, tilting her chin up in defiance and looking down at Emma. the adult doesn't seem to have an answer to that, and looks to her companions for any suggestions.

"you'll be our last line of defense between Pan and Henry," Neal suggests, "in case all of us fail, maybe he'll listen to a former Lost Boy who's actually loyal to him." that's good enough for Amber- she hardly expects they'll fail if they work together, and if they do, it's better for her- they won't have anything on her, and she can stay in Neverland.

"okay. let's go."


	10. neptune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbESAQdpajg

Amber and Wendy are assigned to patching up all the leaks in the Jolly Roger while Hook and Tink tie up the Lost Boys.

"so he's dying, eh?" Amber asks the girl, who shakily hands her another nail and nods. "where'd you learn that?"

"I- he told me," she answers. Amber rolls her eyes.

"and he told me that I was brave, bird. and guess what?"

"why do you blame me?" Wendy snaps. "just because I'm not a Lost Boy doesn't mean you should shame me! you're working with adults, doesn't that go against everything you stand for?"

"I'm doing this for Henry. if what even half of what you said is true, then he needs rescuing."

"could you hurry up, at all?" Hook wonders. Amber bares her teeth at him.

"we're trying," Wendy insists, giving Amber a sharp look.

"Soot, please help us!"

Amber sighs and steps away from the Jolly Roger, approaching the captive Lost Boys, who seem mixed on wether they can trust her or not. Nibs seems to think well of her, but Slightly levels her with a glare. "Hook," Amber finally turns to the adult, "I helped everyone survive, I held up my end of the bargain; even the prince will return to Storybrooke safely. what's so hard about being true to your own agreement?"

"the Dark One made that agreement, and I'm not bound to it."

"so what, I save your life, you ruin mine?" Amber is suddenly overcome by nerves, and then a wave of power ripples over the island.

"Peter Pan never fails," Slightly announces. Hook steps over to Tinker Bell in panic.

Amber walks away.

she finds herself looking up at familiar stars, the storm clouds having cleared, for some reason. the sand she first landed on scrapes Amber's heels, but in a grounding way, like Neverland is the most realistic element of Amber's life. certainly more realistic than Storyrbooke, or adults, or Amber's synthetic bravery. Amber tries to breathe and remember the night that the ocean was not calm, and instead of seeing the sky's reflection in the waves, she saw it all in Pan's eyes.

"what are you, Amber?"

Amber flinches.

"what do you mean?" she asks.

"you say I'm something else. but what are you? you betray me, you love your family, you want to stay. what are you?"

Pan sits, skin rippling with power. he lifts sand and lets it fall between his fingers, watching the crystals that cling to his palm. he looks calm and yet uniquely overwhelmed. glowing with victory and shadowed in question. Amber considers his words carefully- it's rare that they're on the same level like this, and he hasn't spoken to her outright since the day Rufio died. what is she? more human than Pan, surely, especially like this.

"dust in your hands," Amber settles for, and lets her hair fall in her face. "you've killed my friend, and I'd stay here with his heart in your chest, always thinking of what a fool you are."

"a fool?" Pan scoffs.

"the Heart of the Truest Believer, Hook, all of this."

Pan's brows tilt inward, eyes narrowing.

"power makes me a fool? I could-"

"you could have done it yourself, Pan," Amber tells him, and looks down at his chest. "the pixie dust, you don't need it. Henry's heart? useless. servitude from your defeated enemies? why, when you could have it all yourself?" she stands with a curled lip. "the power is in you, the power is in the island, and you choose for it not to be enough. do you feel the sand breathe? do you feel the trees weeping as they burn?"

Pan stands, as well, hands curled into fists that glow.

"how dare you? Neverland's shadow-"

"you're slave to it, even by taking Henry's heart. one day it won't be enough, Pan, nothing will ever be enough!" Amber shouts, then breathes, not breaking eye contact. "but the second you remember Peter Pan, the boy-king who never fails, who brings Lost Boys together and fights pirates, the second you stop living your own nightmare, then- then you'll be unstoppable, murderer or not."

Pan seethes. Amber stands her ground.

he watches her leave and doesn't say a word-


	11. pluto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_9llrRjHA

"Amber."

Pan's voice makes all the adults jump to their weapons; they can't get answers from the Lost Boys, and Wendy doesn't know anything. the boy-king steps out of the dense forest and approaches the group, but his expression doesn't let anyone say anything.

he admits, "I've always had a fear of heights, in case I fall."

"that's a long time to feel like that."

"you've quieted me, Amber. I owe you everything for it."

while the adults watch, Peter Pan tears out Henry's heart from his own chest and hands it to his bravest Lost Boy. instead of looking mortal for it, he seems lighter. better.

"Pan-"

"heal Henry. go home. destroy Neverland's shadow, as it's the one you captured, after all."

"surely this must be a trick," Regina scoffs. "what, you talk to Amber and now everything's okay?"

"I've played grown-up for long enough, but if any of you would like to go with them, go. or wait, or just stay, but I am starting over. burying myself in the future where time stands still."

Neverland becomes once again a place of dreams. Curly and Pockets leave with the adults and Henry, along with some newcomers Amber doesn't know, but as the Jolly Roger sails away, the sun shines once again on Neverland. pixies bloom and weave through the jungle, lighting it up in a way Amber hasn't seen before. the mermaids leap like dolphins, and congratulating yells can be heard from the tribe's corner of the island.

"I mistreated everyone, but hurt no one more than you, Felix," Pan murmurs to Slightly, and rests their foreheads together. "lead them to victory over their losses like you're so good at. I'll lead them to victory over death and you," Pan turns to Amber, skewed smile catching the sun on his lips, "will lead them to victory over life."


End file.
